Grief and Mediumship
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
The “five stages of grief” almost seem like an outline of what we are supposed to be experiencing after the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, or the loss of a job. All of us in this human existence experience grief at one point or another in our lives. It seems almost like a requirement to get through life itself. But here’s the thing, grief actually comes in many different forms and the major examples are just some of the ways we experience grief.
After going through any kind of change in life, from major to minor, can create a ripple of emotions we may not associate the process of grief until we have a sudden wave of feelings or urge to change something about our lives to make it “fit” again. This can happen at any time, even years into the grief process and often we aren’t self aware enough to understand why.
After the death of my mother, I lived in between denial and shock for months. At least that’s how it seemed to me. On the outside I probably looked like I was going through the anger stage. My storm cloud of grief manifested in unexpected ways as I tried to shield the people around me from dealing with any potential outbursts. I had a fear of not being able to contain the level of pain inside me and cease to exist as I once was. I could barely recognize myself anymore, so I changed my hair color because I couldn’t bear to look into the mirror and see the “same” person I once was. I became irrationally upset over small grievances. I listened to the same album on repeat for months because it was the only thing that could see through me. I had an almost constant urge to get away from everything. Just get in the car and go, didn’t matter where. The need to isolate myself far outweighed the guidance of reaching out for help and support. No “Google research” on grief warned me about any of this.
My experience is just that, my experience with grief, and to be honest, I am still in the process of healing from it. Everyone’s grief process shows itself differently. It becomes a lot easier when you stop expecting yourself to complete the cycle, but to allow it to evolve and transform as you move through it. The “five stages” are not a guideline, there is no timeline, no comparison to others of how they deal with loss. Now, thankfully, I can think of my mother and smile. I can feel her presence and not fall apart. I can hear her messages through a medium and really feel the love without being blinded by my own pain.
If I can offer one tip to you from my own human experience with grief, it is that you will not be the same person you were before your loss. But this does not have to be a bad thing. Pushing the puzzle pieces together and forcing them to fit in the same way only creates more struggle in moving forward.
In our human lives, we tend to think of loss as finality. This is why mediumship can be a profound experience. Now, I do not pretend to be an expert on anything. I do not hold any degrees in any mental health field nor did I graduate from any prestigious university to impress you with my education. Most of my greatest teachers in this life have been from those in spirit. My mother still being so deeply involved in my life even though her body was cremated two years ago really challenges the idea that she is gone. I am fortunate to have been a part of so many mediumship readings where the sitter has said to me “I could feel their energy around me as they spoke through you” with tears in their eyes. An ethical medium’s task is to help you in your healing journey by assisting you in the understanding that their love has never left you. While we must work through the pain of the person’s physical loss, their love, guidance, personality, and perspective are never taken from us. Their role in our lives only shifted gears.
Receiving visits from our loved ones in spirit or our spirit guides can help us break out of what we are currently stuck in. Whether it be the heavier emotions of grief, the loss of direction, spiritual confusion, or even just the idea of “endings”, there is always something they can offer us. I have never done or heard of a reading where the spirit came in to chastise the sitter even if their relationship in life was a difficult one. What I have learned from this is that there is a stream of unconditional love right there at our fingertips waiting to be tapped in to. In it, the concept of finality is challenged, new ideas emerge, and healing happens. The only truth is that love never dies because the love is who we are.
